Deconstructing Masculinity With Boomstick

[Note: This article uses Death Battle! screenshots that were used in previous blog posts of mine, and all rights for them belong to Death Battle! and Rooster Teeth.]

It's World Mental Health Day and I thought about something I could write for it. Keeping in mind that the "Macho Man vs. Kool-Aid" death battle was released on this exact day a year ago and that I am a massive fan of Death Battle itself, I decided to revisit it for inspiration, mainly the plot involving Boomstick getting over his father issues.

I already discussed that particular plotline in a previous blog post of mine, so I don't really need to explore it in full detail again. But there was another thing that stood out about Boomstick as a whole. Death Battle fans all know him as an outright gun nut with a fiery temper, filthy mouth (both with regards to swearwords and sex jokes) and a lust for bloodshed and death. This is mainly because he's a parody of the stereotypical redneck of the Deep South (though fortunately without the racism and bigotry that they are infamously associated with). But there's also another side to him, one that has so many mental health issues and vulnerable moments, as well as someone who pined for a father who never gave a rat's arse about him in the first place. Combining this side with the one he initially presents, it makes him an incredibly complex and messy character, and a highly interesting one at that too.

Which made me think to myself - he's not just a deconstructive parody of rednecks. He's also a deconstructive parody of the concept of toxic masculinity and what it means to be a "man".

And that's why I'm writing this article today. Sure, I'm not a man myself, but being someone who has also struggled through mental illness, I feel that this is something that also relates to mental health. Keep in mind that this is not going to be a proper academic essay on the matter, though I did study critical analysis at university. This is mainly going to be a summary of two things - toxic masculinity as a general thing with regard to mental health, and how Boomstick as a character comes across as a deconstruction of the concepts associated with toxic masculinity, both throughout the series as a whole and in the "Macho Man vs. Kool-Aid Man" episode.

So What's The Deal With Masculinity?

Masculinity is a complex subject matter. Essentially, it's the idea of what defines a "true" man. We can all have our ideas on what that means, but there is ultimately one defined view that most people think of when the idea of a "manly man" comes up.

Western society in particular has cultivated a view on masculinity, dating back to the time of the Greeks. The perfect heroes in their myths and legends are portrayed as dashing, well-built, confident fighters with a bit of a temper who slay the bad guys and get the ladies. Think Hercules, considered the strongest man ever, or Perseus, the guy who slew Medusa, for instance. Of course, looking back at these stories now, they may have been unwittingly deconstructing these ideals, with Achilles' hot temper in The Iliad leading to further problems in the Trojan War, but at face value, this doesn't appear to be the case.

And it's this mentality that has led to the concept of toxic masculinity. Men are expected to not cry or ask for help, as it implies that they are "weak". In fact, the only emotion they really seem to be allowed to have is anger, and they are encouraged to fight in order to preserve this masculinity. They have to have huge muscular bodies and chiselled bodies and not look like "sissy" pretty boys with slender bodies or nerdy "wimps" with spindly bodies. They are seen as "superior" to women and have been allowed to physically, verbally and sexually abuse them in the past in order to assert their dominance (despite changing laws, it sadly still happens today).

This even extends to children's media of all things. Dennis the Menace (the UK one, not the US one) was often depicted picking on "softie" Walter and yet we were supposed to root for Dennis (this is before Walter was revamped into being more of a killjoy who wanted to seem "sophisticated"). Horrid Henry often went out of his way to ruin his more effeminate brother Perfect Peter's life, and yet you were supposed to root for Henry (even though he's legitimately horrid as his name suggests) and not the "whiny" Peter. The idea is that they are promoting the lifestyle of naughty children and that you didn't have to be a "goody two-shoes", but these works only serve to promote the same message - brash masculinity is good, soft effeminacy is bad.

This is all disgusting, to put it bluntly. Crying and asking for help are completely normal behaviours that should be more accepted. In fact, the common situation in the UK of men being more likely to commit suicide than women, despite women being more likely to even attempt it, is likely linked to the idea that men can't show "weakness" and their mental health issues building up as a result. (more information can be found in this Samaritans document here). And as for the whole "sexual prowess" thing, why do you think there were so many cases of sexual abuse in Hollywood and other places? Heck, a lot of convincing articles have even been made for the idea that toxic masculinity played a role in the infamous Oscars 2022 moment where Will Smith slapped Chris Rock in response to a tasteless joke about his wife's alopecia, such as this one written by Ateh Jewel for Glamour and this one written by Shaun Harper for the Los Angeles Times.

Toxic masculinity plays a huge role in mental health problems. When men try to hide their emotions, act “strong” and pretend to be someone else in order to fit in with society, it just ends up breaking them on the inside. They refuse to get help even when it would really suit them, and consequently it leads to worst issues such as lashing out and hurting others or considering suicide. It's dangerous for both them and other people. And yet the media still insists with their depictions of men that this surprisingly harmful mindset is a good thing rather than a bad one.

Fortunately, this is not the case with Boomstick at all. In fact, as my next section will discuss, he pretty exposes the harsh reality of the mindset rather than tries to gloss over it.

How Boomstick Takes A Sledgehammer To This

What is so brilliant about the character of Boomstick, and the main reason he's not only my favourite Death Battle! character of all time, but also one of my favourite characters of all time in general, is just how effectively he deconstructs the concepts of "true" masculinity. Every single aspect associated with what it "means" to be a "man" gets torn apart when applied to him.

It's funny, because the first time he appears, he does appear to be your typical frat boy, albeit, with a violent streak. He drinks beer, he makes perverted comments about women, he has a tattoo and he has muscular arms. There's also not forgetting the fact that he has a moustache, which can be seen as another sign of manliness (depending on the type though - toothbrush moustaches are forever associated with Adolf Hitler and therefore highly condemned nowadays). But overtime, he stops playing the "manly" tropes straight and veers into being a deconstructive parody of a manly man. I don't even know whether this was the intention of the writers or not, but he sure comes across as satirising toxic masculinity to me.

Boomstick in general.

Given the fact that Death Battle is a long-running series and the voice actors tend to improvise, it's hard to tell whether Boomstick's more broken side was planned from the start or just something that gradually made its way into the scripts. Either way, though he takes pride in his manliness, his more broken side will show from time to time. Even when there's no Freudian excuse for his traits, they appear in parodied form, making traits such as a love of violence and sexual habits seem genuinely absurd.

The whole missing father business is just one aspect. There is a prevailing opinion that men need a father figure in their life to help them be more of a man. Boomstick obviously had his father walk out on his family and his stepfathers weren't any better either. This has not helped him at all - not only is a major reason that he became an alcoholic, but he bitterly reminisces on it in several episodes, often to the point of tears. And whenever he tries to make out that he's okay about it, he's clearly not.

The smile says "I'm fine". The tears scream "OH GOD SOMEONE HELP ME".

As a result, there have been moments in which Boomstick has tried to look up to somebody else as a new father figure, particularly one who comes across as "manly". His Top 10 Dads list involves him discussing the ones that he looks up to, and apart from the Greek god Zeus, most of them were pretty good choices. However, his obsession with Sarge during the "Red vs. Blue" episode shows how deluded he is with regard to wanting a new father. He sees him as the epitome of awesomeness for being someone who also likes bloodshed and serves as the leader of his troops, yet RvB fans will know Sarge as a comically deranged nutcase who abuses his subordinates and cannot imagine a life without war, leading to him temporarily betraying his comrades in Season 15. Even worst, it's heavily implied that Sarge IS Boomstick's true dad in this series and could not care less for his son at all.

The excessive drinking is another aspect. Beer is stereotypically seen as a masculine drink, appreciated by frat bros and other men. If a woman is shown drinking beer rather than wine, it's a sign that she's masculine too, even if this isn't necessarily the case in real life. With Boomstick, he takes this to the extremes. His first words were apparently "Beer! Now!", which implies that he first got into it at a RIDICULOUSLY young age, likely because of his daddy issues and his own family being into the stuff in the first place. Let's be real here, that's an extremely inappropriate to get into alcohol at. He has gotten black-out drunk on several occasions and it has led him to carry out ridiculous stunts, such as driving his dune buggy into a lake. The original "Link vs. Cloud" fight implies that his alcoholism may have led to his divorce, or maybe even his MANY divorces. In the "Amy vs. Ramona" preview episodes, he goes on a bender and ends up puking his guts out onto a horrified Wiz, clearly not feeling great at all. Wiz himself shows great disdain for this alcoholism, but seems unable to do anything about it.

There's also the matter of Boomstick's perverted nature. Sure, this was back in the days of the internet when making perverted jokes about women was seen as more harmless, but his sexual comments ultimately come off as ridiculous even back then, with Wiz being confused by the whole matter. One time, he was fine with the idea of dying from a heart attack after seeing Black Orchid's large breasts. Another time, Wiz managed to disgust him by pointing out that Toph Beifong was twelve before he made a joke about "hardening", making him realise how morally messed-up his joke would have been. Then there was the time Wiz won a bet against him because he couldn't make it through Cammy White's rundown without mentioning her arse. Even the subtitles once called him out when he chuckled over the word "climax" when discussing Bayonetta. And yet, despite him bragging about his sexual prowess and (allegedly) large dick size, he legitimately thought his ex-wife's sex toy was a crazy pen in a surprise moment of innocence with regard to sex. Interestingly enough, this trait of his has actually been downplayed in recent years, likely because of a greater backlash against sexual harassment and perverted jokes since the Me Too movement.

Oh, and we can't forget his violent traits either. The fact his name is "Boomstick" pretty much hints at them, and apparently he was trained in martial arts and guns as a child. However, rather than make him out to look badass for loving a good fight, these traits instead show him as incredibly deranged and dangerous to be around. The alcohol in particular serves to heighten them at the worst moments. He has confessed to killing a magician and a clown in self-defence in the past, despite the heavy implications that they weren't planning anything suspicious at all. In the infamous Sol Badguy preview, he shoots Wiz's robot dog due to throwing a fit over the whole business with That Man, with the "Ragna vs. Sol Badguy" episode emphasising how over-the-top this reaction was. In fact, the third Death Race episode reveals that he has a warrant on his head in all fifty states of America due to his obsession with violence, something that he would prefer not to talk about.

Leading on from that is his hot temper. Besides the whole business with the robot dog, Boomstick's anger has led to several other awkward moments. When throwing a hissy fit BECAUSE Wiz mentioned his hot temper in "Flash vs. Quicksilver", he storms off, only to trip over something and hurt his balls, much to Wiz's amusement. His arguments with Jocelyn just emphasise how much of a dreadful boss he is towards her and you ultimately end up siding with her in the arguments rather than him. Hot-blooded men in fiction are normally shown as cool badasses who refuse to be messed with, but here, Boomstick's hot temper makes him come across as childish and even a danger to others. In a way, this is pretty much the reality of having a foul temper or lashing out at the wrong moment. As I mentioned earlier, the Oscars 2022 slap is fine proof of it, as are Sean Penn and Alec Baldwin's real life moments of angry ranting.

If anything, the more "effeminate" and "weak" aspects of Boomstick serve as redeeming points for him. He has confessed to having a therapist, though whether they are actually helpful towards him is a questionable point. The moments in which he cries, especially if it's to do with his father, show how vulnerable he really is, but they also serve to humanise him whenever a tragic incident happens to another character, such as with the death of Bell-mere in One Piece or the depressing outcome of the "Tanjiro vs. Jonathan" death battle. In contrast, Wiz, who very rarely cries and gets startled by some of Boomstick's more violent crying fits, is mainly the resident stoic (and a geek rather than a "manly man" to boot) who tries to appear sane in order to cover up his more deranged side. Oh, and he's a cyborg too, which puts his less emotional behaviour in a particularly interesting light.

Boomstick's relationship with women is also an interesting thing to explore. He has a perverted mindset, trash talks his ex-wives and mistreats Jocelyn the Intern. However, episodes like "Goro vs. Machamp" imply that for all his trash-talking, he's actually a lot more upset about his inability to stay married than he lets on. Meanwhile, whilst he is depicted with a disturbing crush on the sadistic Esdeath in her death battle, he has shown sense when it comes to potential future wives in the "Top 10 Waifus" episode. Not all of his choices are sexualised characters and most of them are outright heroic and kind-hearted women, with even Mystique coming across as sympathetic. There's also the fact they go across the whole spectrum from being more conventionally feminine to pretty masculine, but there's no denying how capable they are, especially if they can fight well. Most misogynists out there wouldn't dream of pursuing a woman who can at least win one arm-wrestling watch.

And then there's his relationship with his mother, who he looks up to greatly. His tattoo is even a heart with her name written on it. Usually, being a "momma's boy" is seen as a sign of a man being a wimp, but this trait once again simply shows that there's more to Boomstick than him being a loud gun nut. Especially since she's the only original character in Death Battle that he hasn't had any conflict with - he bickers with the other hosts often and he loves to beat up on DUMMI, making his connection with his mother stand out all the more for it.

The "Macho Man vs. Kool-Aid Man" episode.

So that's how Boomstick's masculinity gets explored in general. The "Macho Man vs. Kool-Aid Man" episode explores the whole thing further, especially when Macho Man gets involved. The man himself, when it comes to masculinity, comes across as both the idealistic opposite of Boomstick as well as the guy he probably strives to be.

For those who have absolutely zero wrestling knowledge (to be fair, I'm not that much of a wrestling fan myself and had to do quite a bit of research for this section), Macho Man is the alternative name of Randy Savage (real name Randall Mario Poffo), one of the most famous wrestlers associated with the World Wrestling Federation (WWE). With his charismatic and flamboyant personality, outrageous fashion style and just outright manliness, he was a major favourite with the crowds. He was often associated with Hulk Hogan, another WWE face with a macho all-American image, and in the 80s, was one of the few people who rivaled him in popularity. He won 18 different titles and in general had a 70.2% win rate in his 2,104 matches. He was also well-known for his passionate romance with the equally talented wrestler and manager Miss Elizabeth, and their onstage wedding was a major moment in his career. No wonder he ended up being posthumously inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame as a headliner in 2015.

In real life, there have been plenty of scandals associated with WWE and wrestling in general. The famed Attitude era is looked back on as a time of toxic masculinity and questionable sexist behaviour, such as when then WWE owner Vince McMahon ordered Trish Stratus to strip her clothes off and bark like a dog (something that was just seen as his "bad boss" gimmick at the time), or some of the comments that Jerry Lawler made about the female anatomy or calling Molly Holly old and ugly during her down period after having her hair shaved and being forced to wear a tacky wig. For a while, when it came to female wrestlers, there was more of an emphasis on how good they looked rather than any talent they actually had. There have also been the matter of the same sex scandals that you get in other places such as Hollywood - recently, McMahon got accused of sexual misconduct himself and had to step down from his position as a result.

There's also the matter of the deaths of famous wrestlers linked with drugs, whether due to overdoses or heart attacks linked with past addictions, especially during the Ruthless Aggression era. Most the drugs were performance-enhancing ones such as steroids, designed to beef up the body and help in the ring, though there were others used such as alcohol. Examples of drug-related deaths include Reid Flair, Louie Spicolli and most notably Eddie Guerrero, who had gone clean but ultimately died from heart failure caused by past drug addictions. In a particularly nasty situation, Chris Benoit was found with steroids and other drugs in his system after he first killed his family and then himself. Though a strict drug testing programme has been implemented since then, it still doesn't eradicate the memories of these incidents and the fact that Flair died in 2013 shows that the problem hasn't quite gone away. The Wrestler Deaths website has plenty more examples of wrestlers who died from drug overdoses.

Of course, that's not what we're presented with when we watch wrestling (even if the situation with McMahon and Trish was shown onscreen). We're presented with badass, well-built champions and cool wrestling moves. And it's pretty much what Boomstick gets presented with when him and Macho Man finally meet each other.

If Macho Man represents everything awesome about masculinity, then Boomstick represents everything repulsive about it, only without the misogyny, rape and transphobia that also comes with it. Macho Man is buff, charismatic and a world-famous superstar, and he can also rock a nifty beard. Boomstick also has pretty muscular arms, but appears to have a beer belly, has scruffy facial hair and can barely keep a relationship. Macho Man oozes confidence with his onstage persona, but Boomstick is prone to having emotional breakdowns whenever his own mask of confidence shatters.

Boomstick is more than determined to accept the idea that Macho Man was his true father all along, despite evidence being very clear that this isn't the case. The main reason is likely that he sees him as the type of man he wants to be and looks up to. After all, if you can't be like someone else you admire, you might as well form connections with them in one way or another in order to improve your own reputation. Alternatively, it could be interpreted that he's ashamed of his own sense of masculinity and feels that by accepting him as a father figure, he can project Macho Man onto himself in order to gain at least some confidence.

Does this attitude work? No. Macho Man makes it clear that he's not his father, shattering his hopes. He has another one of his temper tantrums, snapping out at even the combatants, which I doubt did him any favours in Randy's eyes. And then I guess something happened during the screen transition that REALLY did a number on him. By the time Boomstick reaches his mother's house, he's essentially scared and broken, lacking any of the bravado he had beforehand. It's a far cry from the guy who, when he first appeared in the series, was obsessed with using his gun, made sexual comments about the ladies and took delight in nearly all the violent deaths he witnessed. You'd think that they were two completely different characters.

To really seal the deal, it's Boomstick's mother who turns out to be his savior. Once he relates the problem regarding the search for his father to her, she's able to help him realise that things are better than they seem to be. And it really does wonders for Boomstick during this moment. Around her, he can easily show off his more vulnerable side and not be judged for it. He can show affection, cry and accept advice from her, stuff that toxic masculinity discourages but in reality is something we all need to do at some point.

And by accepting his own mental health issues regarding his father and allowing himself to have this vulnerable moment, Boomstick comes out all the better for it. He gains back the boisterous personality he's had for most of the series, but it doesn't come across as a mask for his own issues anymore. Considering this outcome, is it any wonder that releasing this episode on the 10th October, Mental Health Awareness Day (even if the original reason was to celebrate the show’s 10th anniversary), makes so much sense?

Obviously this won't completely fix Boomstick's state of mind. He still has a love of violence, an obsession with beer, a perverted nature and a foul temper, but in this moment, he did manage to get the advice he needed and therefore move on from a major issue that was wreaking havoc his mental health. And it's quite likely that, if he has more moments like these in the future, with him allowing himself to get emotional and having someone to help him through his issues, he'll probably get closer to further recovery...

...Which is exactly what other men with similar issues need to be doing in real life. Just pretending to be tough, hiding emotions and refusing to rely on other people just makes mental health issues related to toxic masculinity worse. Allowing yourself to show emotion, cry and ask for help will stop that from happening and instead help to improve things. It's fortunately something that is starting to happen in our modern society, but it's still a long way before the situation truly improves.

At this point, it's time for masculinity as a concept to be redefined completely. Our society may try and claim that "boys don't cry", but in the words of Malorie Blackman's novel Boys Don't Cry (named sarcastically in this case), "real men do". And the same goes with other aspects of toxic masculinity - they're simply a sign of immaturity, whilst the other things it tries to discourage against are the true signs of maturity and a mentally healthy mindset. After all, it's not important at all to be a man who tries to fit in with society's unhealthy demands, and it's more important to be a man who can be true to himself and rely on others and be a happier person as a whole in response. That's what true strength and masculinity is really about.

The Top 7 Nitrome Characters I'd LOVE To See In Death Battle!

[NOTE: All screenshots of the characters come from Nitrome's own games. Some either came from the original games themselves, or had to be screen-capped from other videos due to Flash not working anymore on them.]

So Shovel Knight Dig has now been released, and I couldn't be happier. The first Shovel Knight game is a classic with a brilliant cast of characters and several shout outs to the old NES era of video games. Being someone who's into works that pay homage to their older forms and have great characters I can root for, it's no wonder that it's one of my favourite modern games out there.

But the thing that really grabbed my interest about the game's sequel is that Yacht Club Games co-developed it with the British indie game company Nitrome. Nostalgia pretty much hit me when I found that out. I grew up with the Nitrome games long before getting into the international brands such as Nintendo. Plenty of them are parodies and homages to video games that already exist, but with a unique twist to them. And they have an interesting style and sense of humour to them too.

Shovel Knight was already in Death Battle, but before this game even went into conception. Otherwise, no Nitrome character has ever appeared in a fight. And I would really like it if they were. Some have interesting fighting styles, some have interesting concepts and some are just entertaining in their own right. Additionally, given their homage statuses, it could be fascinating to watch them fight the characters they were originally based on.

So here is a list of seven Nitrome characters who I would be delighted to see in Death Battle if they get the chance to do so. Hopefully this gives people an idea on what kind of games they release and just why I fell in love with these games in the first place. I will also try to hypothesise who they could go up against and whether my matchup choices are actually good ideas or not. Without further ado, let's begin!

7. Canary 214-LE from Canary.

In this surprisingly creepy game, this little worker was supposed to help his company mine for crystals and other valuable resources on an asteroid they had colonised, before aliens invaded and corrupted the other canaries via their own equipment. Despite being a rookie, Canary 214-LE was forced to fight for his life as things spiralled out of controlled.

Like the other canaries, he comes with the standard canary mining equipment and suit. He carries a laser gun that he can use to cut through rocks (very handy considering his size) and kill enemies, though he cannot keep it on too long in case it overheats. He even comes equipped with a jetpack so he can cut rock in higher places and just fly about the colony itself, even into space.

I doubt that this little guy has had any fighting experience beforehand, and the hazards he has to face are either almost his size or much larger than him. And yet he still manages to prevail. Also, it might be because he's one of those protagonists who doesn't talk, but he seems to manage to make his way through without having a visible freak-out of some kind, despite the horrors he encounters. He may have been panicking on the inside, but he doesn't let it get in the way of escaping. Now THAT'S having some real guts right there.

Potential Opponents: Survival horror is the genre I associate this game with, so maybe a hapless worker who has had to survive some horrifying event. Alternatively, Drogoz from Paladins is a miner who wears a jetpack and searches for crystals, so there are some similarities there (though their personalities and backstories are completely different).

6. Blue from Test Subject Blue.

Blue in his pro-suit.

Blue is a fascinating little creature. He's an enzyme that is currently being tested by his creator, a scientist named Professor Egghead, in order to see how he reacts to dangers such as other enzymes. Unfortunately, the scientist's evil rival Dr. Nefarious ends up raiding the lab in order to take Blue for himself, leading to Blue having to go on an arduous journey to stop him and possibly save the world.

Blue has two exosuits that he moves around in. The first one is the proto-suit, which allows him to shoot proton bullets and either jump or crouch to avoid danger. It's also capable of creating a proton beam, if Test Subject Arena is any indication. The second one is Rex209, which shoots at a faster pace and can walk on ceilings at the cost of speed and mobility. It can even can talk. Both suits are fragile, but more than make up for it with their offenses.

For the sake of anyone who has not played the games yet, I will not spoil a major plot twist surrounding the little guy himself, but I will say that there is more to his powers than you would expect and essentially involve healing (though he can't heal himself). It also means that another character who he has a deep connection with could also be a potential fighter I'd like to see in Death Battle, but again, I won't give away spoilers.

Potential Opponents: Another tiny creature, preferably one in their own mini mech suit. For the character I'm not spoiling, maybe someone like them who has a similar occupation and had good intentions that went aury due to the mechanations of the villains.

5. Hazmat Hero from Toxic.

Also known as Toxic after the title of his own game, this character is exactly what you'd expect. He goes around in a hazmat suit fighting against evil robots that have taken over our world, all be infiltrating the factories they come from and taking them out there. Some of the robots are particularly challenging, including one that jumps over your head several times during your boss fight with it in the second game.

He has an access to a variety of bombs - some are normal, some create large explosions, some drill through the ground, some stick to surfaces and some create multiple explosions. Overall, whilst it seems that he is limited to just one type of weapon, the different functions that it has more than makes up for this.

Obviously, Hazmat Hero is not invincible. After all, falling in acid can kill him and he can be hurt by the robots. But the hazmat suit I presume protects him from the toxic gases in the factories from the green acid and he has been shown to capable of dodging green lasers. Ultimately, for someone with only a hazmat suit and bombs for defense, he's capable of achieving quite a lot.

Potential Opponents: Someone who also attacks with bombs. Elements of this series, most notably the Mother Brain character, seem to be inspired by Metroid, but I wouldn't choose Samus Aran as an opponent myself because I feel she might have too much of an advantage. Caustic from Apex Legends also has a poison gas theme with his protective suit and drops explosives (in his case, toxic gas grenades), but the backstories and personalities for the characters are again drastically different, so I don't know. It would be interesting though to see a good guy go up against someone who skirts the line between hero and villain.

4. Dirk Valentine from Dirk Valentine and the Fortress of Steam.

Steampunk has always been a favourite genre of mine, so naturally I was drawn to a character with that vibe. Dirk Valentine is an ace soldier, spy and adventurer who aids the British empire in fighting against Baron Battenberg and his steam-powered war machines. Essentially, he's a renaissance man who's able to keep up a stiff upper lip like any good steampunk-inspired Brit should.

He's got a pretty interesting weapon too - the chain cannon. Created by the genius inventor Monty, the chain cannon not only allows Valentine to attack his enemies, but also to create bridges that he can walk across. When attacking his enemies, the chains essentially turn into projectiles that are strong enough to take out robot soldiers and giant floating mechs capable of shooting projectiles themselves.

Also, he saved freaking Queen Victoria. I mean, how impressive is that? Thanks to him, the Baron was defeated and Britain was able to take on his remaining forces. If that's not an impressive feat for a gentleman general like Dirk, I don't know what else is.

Potential Opponents: Another steampunk general. Alternatively, Henry Hatsworth is also a quintessential British gentleman like him who has fought against mechs and mech suits in his own game. And they both like their tea. Whatever fight he ends up in, I want it to be as stereotypically British as possible. ;)

3. Austin Carter (plus Justin Bennett) from Nitrome Must Die!.

Austin and Justin. Justin is on the left and Austin is on the right.

You know those online trolls who get super pissy if a work doesn't do things the way they want? Well, goth wannabe Austin Carter is one of those, having an irrational hatred of the Nitrome company due to their games being too difficult for his tastes. But he goes a step further than most trolls - he heads over to the headquarters and ACTIVELY GOES OUT OF HIS WAY TO TAKE THEM DOWN. Oh, and he brought his fellow internet troll and Kenny McCormick lookalike Justin Bennett along for the ride too.

Austin may be a simple everyday cynic and killjoy without any superpowers, but thanks to discovering some guns in the bins outside the headquarters before heading in, he's got a sweet arsenal at his disposition. He's got shotguns, a bow and arrow, even a gun that shoots tiny drills. Whatever the situation is, he nearly always has a solution for it in the form of murder and violence.

Throughout his rampage, he took down quite a few major Nitrome characters. For instance, he defeated a mecha equivalent of Godzilla, which is about ten times his height and is powerful enough to destroy buildings in Tokyo much bigger than it is, if its origin game Rubble Trouble Tokyo is any indication. He also took out the moon from Cheese Dreams while it was possessed by the titular Parasite and even a giant robotic nose shooting out living snot balls (yes, there is context). And of course, he fought the CEO of Nitrome while the latter was in a mech, highlighting how serious he was in his quest to take down the company.

In short, he's a character Nitrome fans love to hate. And considering that Death Battle has a reputation for some rather vocal fans getting pissed off whenever a fight doesn't go their way, it would be interesting to witness Wiz and Boomstick discussing Austin in that light. The same goes for Justin too.

Potential Opponents: Another hardcore internet troll or hater. Any of the trolls from Homestuck could do, since he seems to be inspired by them and they also have a love for violence and hate. Plus, given the types of characters that Austin has defeated, he could probably fight against the trolls easily. Alternatively, Wascot from Monday Night Combat, who is a deranged fanboy intend on killing the mascot Bullseye and has a gun that shoots out explosive projectiles.

2. Takeshi from Final Ninja.

Takeshi's story is pretty deep by Nitrome standards. Sometime in the future, when corporate businesses are at war with each other, he was training to becoming a ninja for one of these businesses, run by Akuma. But on what was supposed to be simply his first mission, he ended up having to face off against the diabolical Maxwell Merlock and his partner Dr. Victor Boshi.

His ninja suit allows him to shoot out ninja stars to harm his enemies from a distance, shoot out wires to swing from and even turn invisible whilst stationary. He can even take on the guise of another character if he really needs too. Those ninjas stars are pretty versatile too - they don't just blow up machines, they can even allow Takashi to control certain enemy drones and turn them against his opponents.

Later on, despite becoming an old man, Takeshi has clearly taken a level in skill and power. When he tried to leave for a quiet life and Akuma set his forces on him, he was able to defeat them all with ease. And when donning the ninja suit once more to take out Akuma once and for all, he was able to defeat his forces and two robots BY HIMSELF. Quite a far cry from when he first started out and needed a bit of help from Akuma's forces and Lady Snow Fox.

Potential Opponents: Another ninja who has probably also grown old and jaded with his original profession. Solid Snake from Metal Gear Solid could also be an interesting choice - he's not a ninja, but he also relies on stealth and has become jaded over the years. Additionally, Final Ninja is inspired by certain elements from the Metal Gear franchise, so meeting up with his game's inspiration could make sense to Takeshi in some ways. Snake might have a major advantage though.

1. The Climber from Frostbite and Thin Ice.

Both cute AND badass, the Climber hunts down creatures and climbs mountains, and is a computer game character I have grown up with my whole life. She's essentially a combination of Popo and Nana from Ice Climbers, combining Popo's outer appearance with Nana's gender. But she doesn't go for the straight-forward and basic approach of a simple large hammer. Instead, her main weapon of choice is a grappling hook that allows her to climb mountains more easily and give her the field advantage whenever she has to participate in a boss fight. The grappling hook has also allowed her to shoot down enemies and even rip out the eyeball of a giant cyclops ram creature (quite gory for such a cute-looking game). When not using her grappling hook though, she likes to go ice-skating on frozen lakes and use them to create holes to sink monsters into.

She's traversed twenty mountains and twenty frozen lakes, defeating monsters such as the aforementioned cyclops monster, a giant caterpillar creature that she tore various segments off, a giant woolly rhino and a giant (notice a pattern?) ape creature that can summon bats and troll-like critters. Oh, and did I also mention that the rhino and ape creature were defeated simply by jumping onto them about four times?! Not only is the Climber an ace with her grappling hook, but she's super strong with her feet considering her height as well.

Also, this was the first ever "playing as a girl" plot twist I ever came across in a game, which was always something that remained with me. Plus, unlike Samus Aran (no offence here, I love her character too), the Climber has not fallen into the pitfalls of being sexualised or being "softened" in an insulting manner for a later game (goddamnit Other M, you stupid game). She's still the same adventurer who likes to hunt monsters and conquer mountains.

Potential Opponents: As mentioned, Popo (or possibly Nana) from Ice Climber. It would be an interesting long-range versus short-range fight and I can imagine them duking it out as they race to reach the top of a mountain.

These are just the ones I have chosen so far, due to some others have having finicky and complicated powers that may not translate so well to death battles, but there are plenty more Nitrome games and characters out there. I highly recommend you check them out on this website here - some of the games are still only available in Flash, but some have been converted to HTML5 for now. I also recommend going on the Nitrome wiki to watch embedded playthroughs of some of the games, as well as this video here in order to listen to the awesome music from the franchise (thanks to Veezenn for uploading these songs!). :)

The Hell Is Up With The Dork Diaries Movie?!

On April 25th, it was announced that the Super Mario Bros. movie, starring the like of Chris Pratt (for some goddawful reason) was going to be delayed until next year. But that's not what I'm here to talk about today. Instead, what this annoucement has done has re-reminded me of another franchise I got into which also seems to be having a delay, but unlike the Mario film, which at least somewhat has a release date next year, this one just seems to have vanished without a trace.

So there's a book series I read at times called Dork Diaries, which chronicles the high school misadventures of a certain Nikki J. Maxwell as she makes friends, falls in love with the charming yet lovable photographer Brandon Roberts and goes up against bonafide bitch MacKenzie Hollister. Some people have described it as a girl's version of Diary of a Wimpy Kid, but UK marketing aside, it actually takes a different turn.

Overall, I've had a love-hate relationship with this book series at times. There was a period in which I was obsessed with it, then a period in which I disliked it, then a period in which I was obsessed with it again. At the moment, it's mostly reasonable pleasure with the series...though seriously, that crappy MacKenzie. She needs to get fucked.

If they offered dartboards like this, it would make my dream come true.

I could rant all day about how much MacKenzie sucks and all the horrible things I wish could happen to her (she's a manipulative cyberbully trying to ruin other people's lives, for crying out loud!), but it's not why I'm writing this post. I'm writing it because of something called "development hell".

On the 5th September 2014, a now-deleted post was uploaded on the Dork Diaries blog. Here's an excerpt from it that I managed to save before it vanished, complete with the original font size, just to emphasise its main point:

Lionsgate Summit Entertainment, the same people who made amazing movies like Divergent, Hunger Games and Twilight, will be filming a DORK DIARIES movie!!!

Yeah, sure, because vampire romance stories written by Mormons and gritty dystopians for young adults sure do mix well with high school comedies. Also, wasn't The Hunger Games the only one of these franchises to get decent reviews from critics? And didn't the Divergent franchise die a swift and anti-climatic death two years later?

Hey, if District 1 tribute MacKenzie does get a hit in, dreamy vampire Brandon can simply save chosen Divergent Nikki's life by turning her into a vampire too. Isn't that the outcome the audience wants to see?

Anyway, enough of that snarking. The film was supposedly going to be released in 2016. That didn't happen. They said it would then get released in 2017. It's now 2022. A source in early 2021 claimed that the "reason" why was because of COVID-19 restrictions, but given the unrealistic time frames and the fact that the film was already getting delayed, they were probably just trying to save face.

Next of all was a (also now deleted) blog post on the 15th May 2015 (a year before the supposed release date), which was asking fans to give suggestions for who they wanted to play the characters in this movie. The idea being that the film-makers would then look at the suggestions and take them into account. Most of the comments consist of:

1. People trying to think up big names that would be way too old for the role by now.
2. People trying to get themselves, or a a friend or family member hired for a role.
3. People saying that Meryl Streep should be the grandmother, which would certainly help to improve the film's quality given her track record. A lot of people also mentioned Betty White for the role, which considering recent events, is now sadly impossible.
4. People saying that Peyton List (the one who plays Holly Hills in Diary Of A Wimpy Kid and Emma Ross in Jessie) should be MacKenzie. And then some people complained that it shouldn't happen because she's too "nice".
5. Paying saying that Mia Talerico (plays Charlie Duncan in Good Luck Charlie) should be Brianna. They would have to age Brianna up from 6 to 13 if they want to consider this now though, and thus that would make her only one year younger than Nikki.
6. People complaining that other people's suggestions won't work because their suggested actors don't look like the characters that they are suggested for. There was also a priceless moment in which someone had to remind someone else that Ellen Albertini Dow (the rapping granny from The Wedding Singer) could not be Grandma Maxwell because she had died about a week before the blog post went up.

I will also post my suggestions that I made at the time right here:

1. Nikki J. Maxwell: Chloe Grace Moretz, Maddie Ziegler, Abigail Breslin, Kaitlyn Dias, AnnaSophia Robb or a friend of mine from primary school who may or may not have starred in Casualty at some point.
2. Chloe Garcia: Allegra Leguizamo (John Leguizamo's daughter).
3. Zoey Franklin: Ciara Bravo (though she would have be a white Zoey if that was the case). Also liked the suggestion of China Ann McClain.
4. MacKenzie Hollister: AnnaSophia Robb or Claudia Lee (the latter played Brooke in Kick-Ass 2).
5. Brandon Roberts: Ryan Potter.
6. Mr. Maxwell: Ray Romano (I unfortunately spelt it as Rino Romano in the actual post - completely different actor), Ty Burrell, Alan Tudyk or Brad Garrett.
7. Mrs. Maxwell: Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, Isla Fisher or Kristen Wiig.
8. Grandma Maxwell: Helen Mirren, Judi Dench or Julie Waters.
9. Principal Winston: Denis Leary, Alan Tudyk, Jim Broadbent, Brad Garrett or Scott Adsit.

Obviously I was a young and naive teenager at the time, though I still think some of these actors could work (mainly for the adults). You can tell that everyone really had their hopes up too high, myself included, if this was how they were going to consider roles for it.

Look, Boomstick could make the role work if he wants to. It certainly can't be worst than choosing Chris Pratt as Mario.

Now let's focus on the people who were hired to make this film and analyse them (as well as roast some of them in the process). When Summit Entertainment buying the film rights was announced, the book's original author Rachel Renee Russell said this:

"Summit Entertainment bringing Dork Diaries to life is a dream come true! My book series could not be in more capable hands. My fans and I are super excited to see Nikki Maxwell and her dorky world come to life."

"More capable hands", huh? Well, let's see what the analysis has to say about that.

Karen Rosenfelt and John Sacchi - The Producers.

Let's start with the producers first. These people have worked for Lionsgate for some time, mostly on the less impressive films. It's likely that Rosenfelt in particular was in negotiations to produce due to producing the Twilight films, since the original books are gushed over in the original Dork Diaries books (in a non-ironic way, unfortunately).

Can I just say that Rosenfelt's name is essentially a dark mark on most of the films that she produces? Sure, Marley and Me was fairly successful, but everything else she produces is just pure trash, The Twilight films do much better at the box office than with critics (just like the original books), Me Before You was pretty mediocre, the Percy Jackson films and The Book Thief are insulting adaptations of the original books, Yogi Bear is an equally insulting adaptation of the original cartoon and then there was the issue with The New Mutants film, which kept on changing its release date every single time and was eventually got released with little fanfare. Considering that I saw Rosenfelt's name attached to it, it's safe to say that nobody should have been getting their hopes up about that film.

Now onto Sacchi. Probably most known for producing Punisher: War Zone and being the executive producer of My Bloody Valentine 3D. Most of his films tend to be action flicks or horror thrillers that are mostly mediocre or average. The IMDb ratings for them at least are either 4, 5 or 6 out 10. So why he's now producing a light-hearted school comedy, I have no idea. Not much to say on him otherwise.

Mark Waters - The Director.

On 18th September 2015, the blog announced that Mark Waters would be directing the film. The post is no longer available on the website, just like the other ones, making it sound even more like a pipe dream than before.

Dear lord, this guy's directing career is all over the place! He was clearly cast as director due to his work on Mean Girls and the Freaky Friday remake (both Lindsay Lohan vehicles) and yes, they are fantastic films you should check out. However, I feel that most of Mean Girls' high quality can be attributed to writer Tina Fey and whilst Waters did not directed the hated sequel, Fey had nothing to do with it either.

Otherwise, Waters' directing career is just mediocre. Either the films get mixed reviews or they get slated. The Spiderwick Chronicles was okay for instance, but pretty forgettable after its release. Particular duds aimed for a young audience include Mr. Popper's Penguins (2011), a Jim Carrey vehicle that has barely anything to do with the original book, and the failed adaptation of Vampire Academy in 2014.

Plus there was the issue of this Mark Waters film being released in 2016 rather than Dork Diaries:

The original Bad Santa (which was directed by Terry Swigoff and somehow had the Coen brothers providing rewrites) received pretty good reviews and was the only film of Swigoff's career that was financially successful. This sequel on the other hand scored crap reviews from most sources - it has a 23% critics rating on Rotten Tomatoes, 34% audience rating on that same website, 1.5 on Bomb Report and 34/100 critics score on Metacritic (though IMDb and Metacritic audiences were "kinder" to it with a 5.6/10 rating and 5.3/10 rating respectively). Additionally, against its $26,000,000 budget, it only grossed $23,229,371-$24,079,268 overall (sources differ on what the actual final gross was). Swigoff had nothing to do with this film, so most of the blame has been placed on Waters and the co-producer Andrew Gunn.

Of course, Mark Waters then directed Magic Camp, which got released in 2020 on the Disney+ streaming service...after originally being planned for a 2018 cinematic release and then being replaced by Christopher Robin. And given that the film has 38% on Rotten Tomatoes, and his next film He's All That (a "gender-flipped remake" of She's All That) has 30%, I doubt those movies did any favours for his career either (though at least they're somewhat better than Bad Santa 2).

Annie Hendy - The Scriptwriter.

Not really much to say here compared with Rosenfelt and Waters, but still more than Sacchi. Hendy is an actress and writer known for the the comedy play The Catholic Girl's Guide to Losing Your Virginity (which I vaguely remember from somewhere) and the short black comedy film #twitterkills. The former won the "Pick of the Fringe" award from both critics and audiences at the 2006 Cincinnati Fringe Festival and was nominated for two Cincinnati Entertainment Awards, before going on to have sold-out performances. The latter has a 7.0/10 IMDb score and a 3.1/5 Letterbox score, and it won some awards at the 2014 HollyShorts Film Festival including Best Comedy. So this does seem promising in how this may affect the Dork Diaries movie's quality. That said, they aren't necessarily mainstream and they're not family-friendly either. Maybe this was intended to be her first foray into family-friendly and mainstream fare? There's some more information on her here in case you're curious.


So "capable hands"? Not really. If anything, they're the type of hands that could cause a potentially trainwreck (except for Hendy's, it seems). It's likely that these roles have changed since being announced and that we'll get a different producer, director and writer though. But who knows? Maybe the film won't happen anyway?

I won't be surprised if the film actually does get made, it ultimately ends up on some streaming service like Netflix or the like. It happened with the film adaptation of James Patterson's Middle School, despite earlier implications that it would be a cinematic release. Plus, the recent Diary of a Wimpy Kid movie was released on Disney+ (likely due to a combination of COVID-19 restrictions and because The Long Haul was a dreadful box office bomb). What's to prevent this film from going the same route?

What I'm trying to say is that given the fact that the movie seems to have some unrealistic expectations on release dates and casting, as well as some really iffy choices for people working on the movie, I expect it to be a "meh" experience at best and a trainwreck at worst. If it does turn out to be good, I'll be pleasantly surprised. But we'll just have to wait. Depending on whether it actually does get released or not.

Oh, and also, MacKenzie's a lying, cheating, manipulative, abusive, vain, diary-stealing, cyber-bullying queen bee who should have been expelled for some of the stuff she's done in the Dork Diaries books. Just saying.

Again, it would be awesome if they offered punching bags like these in real life.

Anyway, that will be it for this blog post. The film might happen, or it might not. If it does, good. If it doesn't...well, considering the people supposedly involved, probably for the best.

Reviewing The Golden Raspberry Awards 2022

It's that time of year again - the one in which I completely ignore the Oscars and the way they "honour" movies, and instead comment on the crappy films that gained notoriety instead. Due to 2021 being pretty similar to 2020 in terms of Covid-19 restrictions and the world being up the creak in general, I only really recognised a few of the films nominated this year, and thus was introduced to new ones that I'd rather not have known about.

Also, no political contenders this year! I do genuinely agree with the politics of the Razzies, but I feel that it sometimes awards politicians simply because they're right-wing politicians that they (and myself) despise, rather than because of their actual "acting" capabilities (which obviously they lack, but sometimes they're not even acting). I mean, Donald Trump once "won" Worst Supporting Actor for a Michael Moore documentary, but the film itself otherwise did well and all he did was appear in a few scenes rather than "act". That said, Hilary's America is a genuinely atrocious "documentary" with dreadful acting that rightfully won Worst Picture one year, and we had both the cringeworthy Absolute Proof (another "documentary" in the vein of Hilary's America) and that whole disgusting business with Rudy Giuliani and his pants zip last year. Oh, and we can't forget Donald Trump's "starring" role in Ghosts Can't Do It, which he rightfully won a Razzie award for - there was a memorable moment at the 2016 Razzies where a Trump impersonator discussed that role.

Anyway, back to the 2022 Razzies themselves. Like with previous Razzies, there were nominations and winners I expected, and then ones I didn't expect at all, as well as some choices that didn't make the cut but I would have singled out anyway. Anyway, here are all the categories that were present and my own opinions on them!

Worst Picture - Diana (Netflix).

I'm honestly surprised that Dear Evan Hansen didn't make this category, considering how much of a highly-publicised disaster it was and how people said that it makes the the infamous Cats movie look positively tame in comparison (and some of my past blog posts highlight my opinions on it perfectly). I was not surprised by Space Jam: A New Legacy making it however, given that it's a dire sequel to an already "meh" movie that basically exists to promote Warner Bros. and their back catalogue. I was not so familiar with the other movies though, which consisted of Mark Wahlberg vehicle Infinite (which is a disappointing adaptation of the otherwise decent novel The Reincarnationist Papers), Rear Window copycat The Woman in the Window (also an adaptation of a novel), the WAY too on the nose Karen and the Netflix disaster Diana, which is, you guessed it, a musical of Lady Diana Spencer's life and clearly trying to follow in the footsteps of Hamilton with its format. The last two movies in particular broke me with their sheer existence.

To the surprise of nearly nobody, Diana took home the dreaded "prize" for this category. It's actually a recorded stage production, but having it filmed makes it count as a "movie" too (I say "movie" because of its sheer quality). Apparently the reason it was in this format was due to COVID-19 restrictions at the time meaning that they couldn't show it onstage initially (the actual stage run only lasted for 33 performances), but I feel that they thought that it could be the next Hamilton via showing it in this manner. Since awards for crappy stage shows don't exist yet, I think this is a pretty good start.

Worst Director - Christopher Ashley for Diana.

I said I was kind of surprised and in fact kind of disappointed that Dear Evan Hansen wasn't nominated for Worst Picture, but fortunately, its director Stephen Chbosky has been nominated for this category. Sure, he was good with the adaptations of The Perks of Being A Wallflower and Wonder, but maybe this film would have benefited with going with a less "inspirational" and "sentimental" tone and instead focused more on being a satire in the same vein as World's Best Dad. Similarly, The Misfits wasn't nominated for Worst Picture, but its director Renny Harlin still appears in this category. Directors whose films already appeared in Worst Picture though include Christopher Ashley for Diana, Coke Daniels for Karen and Joe Wright for The Woman in the Window.

Chbotsky was one of the nominees I was really hoping would win this category, but I was also willing to see Ashley win it too. And of course, Ashley scored another "prize" for Diana in the end, given that the finished product is ridiculously camp and has some bizarre creative choices in it. The thing I remember him most for is the stage version of Xanadu, which did fine with the critics, but tries to be "self-aware" of the original film's cult status and comes off as forgettable as a result. Well, at least Diana isn't going to be forgettable any time soon (or at least I hope it isn't) with it making the original Xanadu look like quality material in comparison.

Worst Lead Actor - LeBron James from Space Jam as himself.

Ben Platt, once highly praised for originating the role of Evan Hansen on Broadway, is now being condemned for playing the same role in the Dear Evan Hansen movie despite being a grown-ass man - not helped by that dreadful wig they gave him for some unfathomable reason. And honestly, I was expecting this to happen given the major backlash. I was also expecting LeBron James to land on this list for playing himself in Space Jam: A New Legacy (especially given that fans of the original film were expecting Michael Jordan to return), and he did. The other nominees however are completely new to me, which include Scott Eastwood as Dylan "D" Forrester in Dangerous, Roe Hartrampf as Prince Charles (a fact that makes me shudder just thinking about) in Diana and Mark Wahlberg as both Evan McCauley and the 2020 version of Heinrich Treadway in Infinite.

Going into this, I genuinely hoped that James would not win. The way his character arc was handled was pretty dire and he could go a little hard on the dull surprise at times, but I think he's a better actor than Jordan as a whole and his voice acting for the animated segments is fine. Honestly, I blame the script for the result we received. Alas, he won the prize anyway, even though I would have given it to Platt or Hartrampf myself. The business with the whole "tragic backstory" and the father-son plotline in the movie probably didn't do his role any favours either, unlike Jordan's role in which he essentially riffed on the time he tried to become a baseball star. Oh well, at least James has Trainwreck to prove that he can act well when given the right script. Maybe next time just make him a supporting actor like in that movie or, better yet, don't just try and cash in on his career like Space Jam: A New Legacy was trying to do.

Worst Lead Actress - Jeanna de Waal from Diana as Princess Diana.

So thankfully Kristen Stewart has been critically praised for her role as Princess Diana in Spencer this year and in fact was nominated for the "good" awards rather than the Razzies. Which is a relief, because the mediocre Twilight franchise has otherwise put a damper on her career and made people forget that she is otherwise a pretty good actress who started off in hits such as Panic Room and The Runaways. The other Princess Diana, Jeanna de Waal, on the other hand was one of many people nominated for Worst Lead Actress. As was the normally solid actress Amy Adams for playing Dr. Anna Fox in The Woman in the Window, Razzie favourite Megan Fox for playing Rebecca Lombardi in Midnight in the Switchgrass and Taryn Manning for playing the titular Karen, full name Karen Drexler. And last but not least, Ruby Rose for her role as Victoria in Vanquish - oh god, the dreadful RWBY jokes I could make about this. I will say that Chloe Grace Moretz had better be relieved that her role as Kayla in the new Tom & Jerry movie didn't land her here, given that it just serves as yet another reminder of her fall from grace movie-wise (despite the fact that she was going to be more particular about her future roles before this came out) - but luckily for her, she just manages to escape her first potential Razzie nomination.

Notice how I said "the dreadful RWBY jokes I could make about this"? Well, I add emphasis on "could" because Ruby Rose ultimately "lost" the prize to de Waal and her dreadful Diana impression. It's one thing to butcher a role, but it's another thing to butcher it when it's a real life person, specifically one who had a tumultuous public life. Sure, the fact that the script itself glosses over Diana's psychological issues (something that Spencer makes sure to actually focus on) doesn't help, but it's still embarrassing watching her perform the role.

Also, what is it with British actors such as Naiomi Watts and Jeanna de Waal failing as Diana, but the American Kristen Stewart doing so well in the role? It makes little to no sense in my mind. That said, at least Naiomi Watts had the advantage of not starring in a musical when she received her nomination that one year (though ultimately losing to Tyler Perry as Madea).

Worst Supporting Actor - Jared Leto from House of Gucci as Paulo Gucci.

Well, the only role I recognise on this list is Jared Leto as Paulo Gucci in the otherwise decent House of Gucci, a role in which he tries to go for an Oscar-bait route but only rivals his infamous stint as the Joker in Suicide Squad with regard to how appalling it is. Razzie veterans Ben Affleck and Mel Gibson also make a return, this time for their respective roles in The Last Duel as Count Pierre d'Alençon and in Dangerous as Dr. Alderwood. Other nominees include Gareth Keegan as James Hewitt in Diana (ANOTHER Diana nominee) and Nick Cannon as Ringo in The Misfits - I feel with the latter that his film career already died sometime ago with Underclassman.

I was SO hoping that Leto would "win" this category, and thank god he did. Everyone else in that film was fine, especially Lady Gaga and Adam Driver, but Leto is cartoonishly over-the-top and hilariously bad. I watched one of his scenes and ended up chuckling, but for all the wrong reasons. Apparently, he's supposed to be some form of comic relief, but instead of making you laugh because he's "funny", he makes you awkwardly chuckle because it's so stupid. I also find it stupid that he was trying to make his role "Oscar-bait" with the prosthetics and voice. As a bonus, British film critic Mark Kermode went on a particularly hilarious and scathing tirade at the role, comparing Leto to a whale and doing his own impression of him. I'll post a link to the video here for those who are curious - I was cracking up the whole time I was watching it. XD

This isn't the first time Leto was nominated - there was his dreadful stint in Suicide Squad as the Joker after all. But the fact that this is his first actual Razzie Award, in my mind at least, more than makes up for the fact that he "lost" to Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor in Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice that year. Now the question is, is Leto worse as the Joker or Paulo Gucci?

Worst Supporting Actress - Judy Kaye from Diana as Barbara Cartland and Queen Elizabeth II.

Despite criticisms of Lola Bunny being based off of her original bland self from the original Space Jam, apparently Zendaya turned out to be alright in the role after all since she's not here. And to be fair, I didn't see much problem with her voice acting either, just the characterisation and the fact that the producers mainly chose her for her star power. Going back on topic though, we have TWO supporting actresses from the Diana musical - Erin Davie as Charles' new wife Camilla Parker Bowles and Judy Kaye as Barbara Cartland and (god forbid) Queen Elizabeth II herself. Seriously, why would you butcher the Queen like that?! Next is Sophie Cookson for her role in Infinite as Nora Brightman. And then, oh lord, Amy Adams and Taryn Manning return from the Worst Lead Actress category with a vengeance, this time for their roles as Cynthia Murphy in Dear Evan Hansen and Maggie in Every Last One of Them respectively. I would have probably also nominated the bystander in Dear Evan Hansen who excitedly goes "oh my god" over the video that Evan puts out after Connor's suicide, but that's an EXTREMELY minor role and a fault of the script and direction, so I'll let her off this once (maybe).

I don't know if anyone else expected it, but I myself highly expected Judy Kaye to win for both of her roles. Seriously, how do you screw up our queen like that?! And much to my relief, it seems that the Razzies had the same views as I did since she received the "award" after all. Yeah, watching Kaye portray both a writer of romantic novels who wore extravagant outfits and makeup AND the queen is a surreal experience indeed. Makes for double the atrocity if I do say so myself.

Worst Screen Combo - LeBron James and any Warner cartoon character (or Time-Warner product) he dribbles on from Space Jam: A New Legacy.

Best category yet! As always, the nominees never fail to disappoint, even moreso this year since there aren't any general actor and actor combos on the list this year. We've got, and I quote from the source, any klutzy cast member and any lamely lyricised or choreographed musical number in Diana, LeBron James and any Warner cartoon character (or Time-Warner product) he dribbles on in Space Jam: A New Legacy, Jared Leto and either his 17-pound latex face, his geeky clothes or his ridiculous accent in House of Gucci, Ben Platt and any other character who acts like Platt singing 24-7 is normal in Dear Evan Hansen and Tom and Jerry (a.k.a. Itchy and Scratchy) from, well, Tom & Jerry. And yes, as I said, I copied this stuff almost word for word. It's just the only way you can describe them and the main reason I love this category so much. X)

It was James and the Looney Tunes who won this category this time round. I feel all of the combinations this year were awful and had good reasons to be on this list, though I feel that this one took the award because how blatantly cash-grabbing it was. See LeBron James interact with the Looney Tunes! See Lola Bunny be accepted as one of Wonder Woman's Amazons! See Granny interact with Neo from The Matrix! See...a bunch of rapists and murderers cameo at a basketball game. Yeah, you read that right, the Droogs from the controversial A Clockwork Orange of all works make a cameo at a basketball game and it's exactly as ridiculous as it sounds. At this point, Warner Bros. was clearly just throwing whatever they had into the finished product without thinking about the implications of the characters involved (probably as a failed attempt to "appeal" to adults as well as children).

Worst Screenplay - Diana (script by Joe DiPietro, music and lyrics by David Bryan and DiPietro).

It's interesting how Infinite and Space Jam: A New Legacy were nominated for Worst Picture, but got replaced by The Misfits (written by Kurt Wimmer and Robert Henny - the latter of which also came up with the story) and Twist (mainly written by John Wrathall and Sally Collett, but with additional material from Matthew Parkhill, Michael Lindley, Tom Grass and Kevin Lehane, from an "original idea" by David and Keith Lynch and Simon Thomas - that's a goddamn mouthful) for this category. Every single other Worst Picture nominee however returns here - Diana (written by Joe DiPietro, who also provided music and lyrics along with David Bryan), Karen (written by director Coke Daniels) and The Woman in the Window (written by Tracy Letts and based on A.J. Finn's novel). Again, I'm surprised that Dear Evan Hansen didn't make it here considering the changes in the script that made the show's flaws more apparent, but I guess you can't "win" them all.

Diana is just one of those "magical" works with regard to how ridiculous the script is. There are some weird creative choices, it glosses over Diana's mental health issues whilst still apparently trying to make her "sympathetic" and the way that other characters are portrayed makes no sense. And as for the ending in how they portray Diana's ultimately death, it's just outright laughable. The songs themselves are also atrocious. I've read some of the lyrics and the rhymes are painful. The fact that one of the co-creators of the songs is the keyboard player from the legendary rock band Bon Jovi just makes it all the more baffling. No wonder it rightfully won this category just like with its other ones.

Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-off or Sequel - Space Jam: A New Legacy.

As it turns out, Diana wasn't able to get a clean sweep of nominations this year due to this category, with it simply being a "live" recording of an already dreadful musical (though you can see it as a dreadful remake of Diana's life as a whole). As a result, only three movies from Worst Picture returned for this category, along with one new film from Worst Screenplay and another from Worst Screen Combo. Obviously Space Jam: A New Legacy is a sequel to the film from the 90s and Tom & Jerry adapts from the famous animated shorts. Meanwhile, The Woman in the Window was classified as a rip-off of the superior Rear Window and Twist was classified as a "rap remake" of Oliver Twist. Karen on the other hand is an unintentional case, being classified as an "inadvertent remake of Cruella de Vil" (I assume they're talking about the general 101 Dalmations movies rather than the recent Cruella film, which is more of an origin story), kind of like when the appalling Adam Sandler vehicle Jack & Jill was depicted as a "rip-off" of B-movie Glen or Glenda? that one year.

Since Karen was described as being an inadvertent remake, I expected it to not win this category. And lo and behold, it didn't. Instead, it went to Space Jam: A New Legacy, which I said was a "sequel" but also crosses over into being a reboot for some reason. Whilst it does improve on a few flaws that the original Space Jam had, it ultimately brings in some new flaws and essentially comes off as just promoting Warner Bros.' back catalogue. At least previous Looney Tunes movies were a lot less on-the-nose about the whole "promoting other works" aspect. The only reason that this even exists is because of the original Space Jam being a box office success, given that critical reviews of it were mixed at best. Yeah, everything has to be about money these days, sadly enough.

Worst Bruce Willis Performance in a 2021 movie - James Ford in Cosmic Sin.

Oh dear lord, this is actually a thing. Apparently, Bruce Willis, once a major star in films like Die Hard, Death Becomes Her and The Sixth Sense was in so many dreadful movies last year that they gave him his own category rather than place him in Worst Lead Actor or Worst Supporting Actor. These roles include Ben Watts in American Siege, Thomas Malone, the Prey in Apex, James Ford in Cosmic Sin, Ron Whitlock in Deadlock, Robert Michaels in Fortress, Karl Helter in Midnight in the Switchgrass (already nominated for Worst Lead Actress), Jack Harris in Out of Death and David in Survive the Game. Seriously, how does someone star in eight movies in one year? And how come they were all DREADFUL?!

Well, the "winning" entry turned out to be Cosmic Sin. I looked it up just out of curiosity, and it's essentially a sci-fi movie with 3% on Rotten Tomatoes. That's all I can really say about that. What a mess Willis' career has become. It's always a great tragedy when a once-promising actor who starred in some of the great works of all time is relegated to starring in a mixture of turds and flops. Think Robin Williams, John Travolta, Chloe Grace Moretz and Kevin Spacey for instance (though Spacey being outed as a sex offender in the #MeToo movement was probably a bigger killing blow to him than Nine Lives and Billionaire Boys Club ever were).

The Razzie Redeemer Award - Will Smith from King Richard as Richard Williams.

Unlike the other awards, this one did not have its nominee list, consisting of Will Smith as Richard Williams, father of Serena and Venus, in King Richard, Jamie Dorman as "Pa" in Belfast and Nicholas Cage as Robin "Rob" Feld in Pig revealed until the day of the actual awards. They used to reveal the nominees beforehand, but I guess because it's a "smaller" prize (despite being most certainly more desirable for the recipients), the committee doesn't feel the need to anymore.

I was not surprised that Will Smith won this award. Critics practically adored this role of his and it was a movie award favourite this year. I've seen parts from it too and he really nails the role, especially when he's giving those inspirational talks to his daughters. It makes you remember that even though he has been in some awful turds such as Wild Wild West, After Earth and Collateral Beauty, he really aces it when he's placed in something of good quality like The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Men in Black or Pursuit of Happiness. Hopefully he carries on in this direction and doesn't dip back into another bad work like some of Razzie Redeemer recipients such as Sylvester Stallone and Mel Gibson.

So that's the Razzies for this year, and I enjoyed them as always. I know I explained a bit about my love for them on my first Razzies post, but can I just say that it just feels more correct in which the films are nominated. Films nominated for the Oscars or Golden Globes have to be registered by the film companies themselves, but here the "award show" selects them themselves. My only disappointment with this year's awards is that Dear Evan Hansen did not win any awards itself, but hey, I guess the fact that it's facing mockery online and that it failed at the box office also helps to give the filmmakers of that garbage the hint.

But overall, I enjoyed the awards ceremony as always, and getting to watch it online for the last three years serves as a major bonus. I'll probably write an article in the future discussing my thoughts on specific nominations from this year that may not have won, as well as the nominations from last year and the year before. It's always fun to discuss bad movies, if the internet is any indication. ;)

The Extinction of Ice Age - A Frosty Goodbye

Throughout the last few posts, I have gone into full-length discussions on what exactly went wrong with the Ice Age franchise and how it went extinct for the time-being. Overall, these are the main reasons I can sum up for its downfall (though obviously there were more):

1. The series tried to focus more on comedy than dramedy.
2. The research became even less historically accurate.
3. Several characters got over-used as a means to keep the plot moving.
4. The message about family got muddled up with excess family members and hypocrisy with regard to Sid's treatment.
5. The series tried to use celebrity voice actors who didn't need to be hired in the first place.
6. The series attempted to stay "relevant" with memes and pop-culture references.

Consequently, what we ended up with was a series that started off with a Don Bluth-esque adventure story with plenty of heart (albeit more comical than Bluth's usual output) and ended with something that tried to rip-off the more negative aspects of your typical Dreamworks flick. And now as a result, the franchise has become the butt of many jokes from people who see it as a "Pixar rip-off", despite that not being the case. It doesn't help that there were implications that a SEVENTH movie was on its way, though considering the reception of the fifth movie and spin-off movie, I would be surprised if that ever came to light.

I personally feel that 20th Century Fox should take a good part of the blame. Their insistence on making the films more comedy-based essentially ended up resulting in a franchise original sin that only proceeded to become more notable with each passing installment. I'm a big fan of comedy myself, but when it proceeds to take away the heart from the story, it can backfire big time.

That said, it's all too easy to scapegoat one group when a select amount can share equal blame. Should we blame 20th Century Fox for pushing for a more comedic angle? Should we blame the director who started on the third movie and carried on to the fifth one, since that was when the comedy got too out of hand and things really started going downhill? Should we blame the producers who oversaw the projects in general and likely came up with ideas on who they wanted to cast or how they wanted the plots to go? Why not just say they ALL had their own responsibilities?

Should I feel sad about the direction the series has gone in? Yes. The first film was genuinely good and you get the feeling from the Art of... book that Blue Sky Studios were genuinely putting effort into these films at times, even if the use of memes in the later films came off as lazy at times. Should I have a bitter taste in my mouth about the first film as a result? No. It would have been interesting to know what the more drama-based original draft would have been like, but it still worked out well and it still gives me good memories. If they'd simply learnt from what that film did well and not tried to emphasise the comedy too much, the sequels may have been on the same level too. Or maybe just the first film was more than enough for us all to appreciate.

Below, I have a list of some of the sources I used for this series of articles that I was unable to provide links for. I am particularly happy to have bought Tara Bennett's book The Art of Ice Age as a guide for some of the points in my articles, especially with regard to the history of the franchise. Some of the citations that I'm using are the MLA 8 style, as that is the style I'm used to using at university. I'll also put the citations for the films themselves so that you can get an idea of the changing directors and writers on them (as a bonus, I'll reference the graphic novels too).

Ice Age Media:

1. Ice Age, directed by Chris Wedge and Carlos Saldanha, produced by Lori Forte, story by Michael J. Wilson, screenplay by Michael J. Wilson, Michael Berg and Peter Ackerman. Blue Sky Studios, 20th Century Fox. 2002.
2. Ice Age 2: The Meltdown, directed by Carlos Saldanha, story by Peter Gaulke and Gerry Swallow, produced by Lori Forte, screenplay by Peter Gaulke, Gerry Swallow and Jim Hecht. Blue Sky Studios, 20th Century Fox. 2006.
3. Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs, directed by Carlos Saldanha and Michael Thurmier, produced by Lori Forte and John C. Donkin, story by Jason Carter Eaton, screenplay by Michael Berg, Peter Ackerman, Mike Reiss and Yoni Brenner. Blue Sky Studios, 20th Century Fox. 2009.
4. Ice Age: A Mammoth Christmas, directed by Karen Disher, produced by Andrea M. Miloro, screenplay by Sam Harper and Mike Reiss. Blue Sky Studios, 20th Century Fox. 2011.
5. Ice Age 4: Continental Drift, directed by Steve Martino and Michael Thurmier, produced by Lori Forte and John C. Donkin, story by Michael Berg and Lori Forte, screenplay by Michael Berg and Jason Fuchs. Blue Sky Studios, 20th Century Fox. 2012.
6. Ice Age: The Great Egg-scapade, directed by Ricardo Curtis, produced by John C. Donkin, screenplay by Jim Hecht. Blue Sky Studios, 20th Century Fox. 2016.
7. Ice Age 5: Collision Course, directed by Michael Thurmier and Galen T. Chu, produced by Lori Forte, screenplay by Michael J. Wilson, Aubrey Solomon and Michael Berg. Blue Sky Studios, 20th Century Fox. 2016.
8. The Ice Age Adventures of Buck Wild, directed by John C. Donkin, produced by Lori Forte, screenplay by Jim Hecht, Ray DeLaurentis and William Schifrin. Bardel Entertainment, Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures. 2022.
9. Munroe, Caleb, Paroline, Shelli and Lamb, Braden. Iced In. Kaboom Studios, 2011.
10. Munroe, Caleb, Paroline, Shelli and Lamb, Braden. Playing Favorites. Kaboom Studios, 2012.
11. Munroe, Caleb, Paroline, Shelli and Lamb, Braden. Where There's Thunder. Kaboom Studios, 2012.
12. Munroe, Caleb, Paroline, Shelli and Lamb, Braden. Past, Presents & Future!. Kaboom Studios, 2012.
13. Munroe, Caleb, and Hirsch, Andy. The Hidden Treasure. Kaboom Studios, 2013.

Reference Works Cited:

1. Bennett, Tara. The Art of Ice Age. Titans Books, 2016.
2. "Ice Age: The Story Behind the Story (from the Writer Michael J. Wilson)." News from the Soo Theatre Project, Inc., 20 Nov. 2009, http://sootheatrenews.blogspot.com/2009/11/ice-age-story-behind-story-from-writer.html
3. Kenny, Charles. "Scrat? SQRAT? Clearing up Some Confusion Surrounding the Lawsuits over the Ice Age Character." The Animation Anomaly, 2022, https://animationanomaly.com/2022/02/03/scrat-sqrat-clearing-up-some-confusion-surrounding-the-lawsuits-over-the-ice-age-character/
4. Goscinny, René and Uderzo, Albert. Obelix and Co.. Translated by Anthea Bell and Derek Hockridge, 1976, Orion Books Ltd., 2004. (Okay, so this has nothing to do with Ice Age, but here's where the original basis for the outfits I used in Chapters 3 and 4 came from! The original outfit's meant to look tacky by the way. :D)